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Why Feeling Yourself Is The Bomb Diggity

Posted by on Nov 21, 2014 in Ground, Listening, Love, Power, Sensitivity | 7 comments

Feel Yourself

When I was small, there were many “truths” I swallowed hook, line, and sinker. When you grew up, you were supposed to do certain things. Like, get a job, have health insurance, stay at said job a long time, send cards at the right time, fit yourself into the fabric that is around you… You know, settle down.

But I never could seem to do those things. I had some amazing jobs, sure. Health educator, elementary school teacher, training manager. Those were some awesomesauce jobs. But staying at the job ~ not quite my forte. Sending the cards? Didn’t always happen. Fitting into the fabric around me never felt like a good fit.

I once had a boyfriend tell me that you just have to eventually choose someone and marry them because that is what growing up was.

Fuck growing up.

Why do people think that they have to do anything? Who told you that growing up means marriage and children? If you have the courage to listen deeply inside, you may find that you have a different compass about what growing up means. Maybe the whole idea of growing up is overrated anyway.

When people think about ‘growing up’, I think it is possible that they are actually referring to ‘locking in’ security. Locking in security is an illusion at best. But so many people choose it as a strategy in life. Marriage = security. Job = security. Children = security. Money, support, someone to love you forever = security.

But what if your path is about the way deeper version of locking in security? What if you were meant to find a ground SO solid that not much at all could shake it? The path to this kind of delicious security involves a commitment to listening to yourself. Listening to yourself outside of the illusions of life that society has misted onto you. Listening to yourself outside of what anyone expects of you. Outside of what anyone wants from you. Listening to yourself even if what you hear goes against the very fabric of life that you have known and bought, hook, line, and sinker.

False security is not security.

Listening to yourself invites the fierce path of finding real security. In my experience, when we surrender to our deep selves in this way, life allows the journey to unfold in the most gentle and delicious way. Feeling yourself and listening to yourself is a rare path. But when you encounter a person who does it, you know it.

It is time for you to start listening, to start feeling yourself. Sure, there is some clearing away of other people’s stuff that needs to happen first. But if you stay on the path, the treasures are bountiful. Your authentic life is calling.

If this resonates for you, please consider signing up for Patricia’s online intensive – Empowered Sensitivity. If you choose to embark on this exciting journey, you will receive seven days of morning emails (spread out over three weeks) with a video prompt of assignments, along with suggestions of other powerful ways to start feeling yourself. It’s a great commitment to YOURSELF for the new year. Register here: http://portlandsynergy.com/events/

On Being Sensitive In An Insensitive World…

Posted by on Nov 20, 2014 in Power, Sensitivity | 0 comments

Do you notice everything? Do you notice sounds, noises, lights? Slights, dismissals, injuries? Do you notice how people carry themselves? Or maybe the way they don’t carry themselves; oh dear, perhaps they slump right in on their own heart? Maybe you yourself do. Ouch. Do you notice the look on a child’s face when their wisdom or curiosity is shut down? When someone seems to experience being seen, supported, cherished? Or when they are disheartened?

If you are noticing these kind of things around you, I’m guessing the world may be a bit of a painful place for you. So many people notice SO little; you may seem to notice everything. You have probably heard the litany of put downs, under the guise of trying to  ‘help you along’ in the world.

“You’re too sensitive.”  “Just move on; why do you get stuck on things?” “Doesn’t your brain ever stop?” “Why do you let things bother you?” “Just suck it up like everyone else.” “Don’t take everything so personally.”

But for you, it is personal. It’s personal because you have felt the slights. You have felt the disrespect; the bulldoze of ‘help’.

However, here is a new twist:  What if your sensitivity is actually the most precious talent you possess? What if your deep noticing is something the world actually needs to get to the next level of evolution? What if your sensitivity is the thing that will allow you to succeed in life in all the material ways you never could have imagined?

It is time. It is time for your sensitivity to be honored, to be honed, to be cherished and loved for the amazing gift it is. I read a lot about being a sensitive person, but I do not read a lot about taking this journey of sensitivity all the way. Noticing you are sensitive is a good step on the journey. Noticing you seem to feel other people’s stuff is a good step on the journey. Noticing that the mall drains you is a good step on the journey.

But that is NOT the place to stop on this journey. If you continue on the empowered sensitivity journey, I trust you will find that you have a special gift. You may discover that you have an undeniably powerful tool that not everyone else has called FEELING YOURSELF. I cannot overstate how important this talent is. Feeling yourself is something the world needs to see modeled. We have so few examples of people really feeling themselves. It is so important.

Look for more coming tomorrow on feeling yourself and why it is valuable. I promise you it is!

What is Synergy and Why Does it Work?

Posted by on Aug 5, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Rubenfeld Synergy is a discipline that integrates somatic, intellectual, emotional and spiritual elements. The body is revered as a largely untapped source of wisdom to which we can learn to listen. It is through this deep listening that we can find a unique pathway toward increased understanding and begin to move forward through the challenges in our lives. It is very helpful to allow our thinking mind (which may be completely exhausted from not being able to solve our problems) to rest in the background, while allowing the the wisdom of the bodymind to guide the process.

Most clients come to somatic therapy with an inner sense that the mind/body approach is the next step on their healing journey. Maybe they are aware of some trauma from the past, or maybe they have questions (or missing chunks of memory) about their past. Somatic work can connect you with your past in a way that allows you to step into the present with full access to freedom and movement in your life. Your body has been waiting for you to befriend it, as it has the answers for you to THRIVE.

This work is not at all about dredging up the past; it is about freeing the past’s holdings in your present body so you may have the future you’ve never even allowed yourself to dream. If this resonates for you, it’s time to begin the bodymind adventure with Patricia at Portland Synergy.

Who Could Benefit from Portland Synergy?

Posted by on May 6, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Who Could Benefit from Portland Synergy?

  • Sensitive people who do not yet know the power of their sensitivity.
  • Those who may suspect:
  •      ~ Missing memories from their past.
  •      ~ The possibility that their childhood may not have been so happy after all.
  •      ~ That their chronic illness may be asking for them to make a change in their life.
  • People who have:
  •      ~ Deep curiosity about why they are the way they are.
  •      ~ Desire for more self care.
  •      ~ A sense that something is missing from their lives.
  • People who were:
  •      ~ Playful when they were younger, but don’t know how to play as an adult.
  •      ~ “Too sensitive” as children.
  •      ~ Not fully seen for who they were growing up.
  • People who feel:
  •      ~ Disconnected from their bodies.
  •      ~ Disconnected from others.
  •      ~ Disconnected from their purpose.
  •      ~ Pain. Emotional, physical, spiritual…
  • People who experience:
  •      ~ Freezing up (like a deer in the headlights) in different situations.
  •      ~ Difficulties with communication.
  •      ~ Mysterious illnesses that doctors cannot help.

 

Sing, Sing a Song….

Posted by on Dec 16, 2013 in Uncategorized | 4 comments

Trust Yourself! Click here to watch my video…

Opening a Can of Worms? Or Opening to JOY?

Posted by on Dec 4, 2013 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

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As I embarked on the healing journey of mind/body integration (after twelve years of therapy), I uncovered what felt like river of sadness. No wonder I continuously sought out therapy; it helped tremendously in the short term, but never really got close to this river of sadness that was alive in me. The tears I had been crying my whole life were fed by this abundant source, and it was the gift that kept giving. There was, seemingly, a never ending flow of grief; the deepest deep well of sadness; an unrelenting despair that was in my tissues, in my bones, in my soul. And it seemed that there would be no end.

There is an end. There is an end. I am here to tell you: There is an end.

But/and, you have to allow the sadness to do its thing. Allow the grief. Allow the despair. Spend quite a lot of time with the despair. Depression always always always has a message for you. And it is not to take Prozac, although that may help along the way. We spend so much time running away from uncomfortable feelings that we neglect to receive their gifts. And I think one reason we run is that we fear the bad feelings will never end.

But there is an end.

I went through a LOT of physical pain as I went on this journey into the body. I’m sure if I had sought out a doctor during that time, I could have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, another autoimmune disorder, or some other real diagnosis. The pain in the body was unbearable. So, I went to bed. And rested. For weeks, then months. Sure, I got up to do the things I had to do, which were quite minimal at the time. But mostly, I stayed in bed. Luckily, this was as I was finishing my Rubenfeld training so I did not have the daily grind to attend to. So attend I did. To my bed. I rested and rested and rested.

At one point, after several months, I became concerned. Maybe I was getting ready to die. This could not be good. No part of me ever considered a doctor; I was way beyond trusting them at this point. Barely connected to the magical unfoldment of my path and minimally connected to my body, and through what I can only describe as grace, I received a precious gift a few days later. I got a very loud and clear message from my heart: it was the part of me that was needing the rest. (A Rubenfeld Synergy session allowed me to hear this indisputable message.) Once I knew that it was my heart, and not my body, that needed to rest, I allowed my brain, and even my body to rest too. Some part of me fully trusted that I could fully trust my heart. I don’t know how I trusted something that I was so disconnected from, but I did. And I also trusted that she, my shy -and yet BOLD- heart, would let me know when she was done resting.

Over the next few months, as my heart was waking up, I began to move through all the physical pain. And through the uncharted emotional pain. I thought I had uncovered quite enough pain with all the therapy I had done. But there was still that lingering question about the three year old me that used to walk around the house saying “Nobody loves me.” Why was that little girl so sad? My family’s response? The whole household would break out into song: “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m going to go eat worms.” Nobody ever bothered to be interested in going any further than that.

And now because of the clear answers that were available in my body, I know why that little girl felt so unloved. That is another blog post for another day. But, I know without any doubt whatsoever why my life has been so challenging. And I finally know – in my tissues, in my bones, in my soul – that I am not crazy.

The mysteries have been solved; the pain has been felt; the emotions have MOVED, like emotions are supposed to do; the river of sadness flowed. It flowed and flowed and flowed until it was done flowing. And it is done flowing. Going to the memories of the first three years of my life, which are absolutely accessible in the body, in YOUR body, was necessary for me to move through the sadness. I know that not everyone will be called to go into the darkness, to go into the pain, to go into the past before you remember, but maybe you are.

And the fruits of going there could not be more delicious. Because as I close in on fifty, I finally have JOY within sight.

How Can I Begin Befriending My Body?

Posted by on Nov 3, 2013 in Forgiveness, Love, Responsibility | 2 comments

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”      Oprah Winfrey

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A few weeks ago, I attended my 30th High School Reunion. Argh. In high school, I was the ‘girl with the brace’, as I was in the midst of a five year treatment plan for a sever-ish case of scoliosis. Talk about hating your body! Let’s just say, it wasn’t all Deenie, if you ever happened to read that Judy Blume book about a teen with scoliosis. Deenie accepted her scoliosis with exceptional teenage grace. Me, I just went into a dark lonely shell from which it took me a long, long time to emerge. That time in my life was little bit more like, “Are you there, God? It’s me, Patricia.” (God said no.) As much as I hated my body, I am forever grateful for the path of healing it inspired. Or I should really say required. I think we can all agree that befriending our bodies sounds like a good idea, but how do we go from hate to love?

1. Believe in the Wisdom of Your Bodymind

What if everything that was going on with your body was a cryptic, yet amazingly insightful communication from your soul? Here is one example of how this might work:  I have a friend who suffered from Graves disease for many years, and was not able to get any relief with traditional treatment. She had a persistent intuition that she was to learn something from her diagnosis, and spent many hours in deep meditation asking the questions “Why? Why? What is this for?” One day, she was shocked to her core as her meditation led her to a clear inner vignette of walking up to a baby’s grave. She immediately recognized this as the grave of her unborn child from an abortion more than twenty years prior. She had not even been aware that she was carrying grief, guilt, sadness, and regret from this event, but with a new hunger for wholeness, she embarked on healing these old wounds. She befriended her body, befriended her wounds, and befriended her struggle. And she began healing; her Graves disease went into remission.

Does this mean that our afflictions will always neatly dissolve as we hear their messages? Of course not. Our lessons may be long and arduous. We may not be able to decipher the messages. Does this mean you are to ‘blame’ for your illness? NO, this whole game is way outside of any system of blame. (Do I believe that your soul ‘signs up’ on some level for the lessons at hand? Yes, I do, but that’ll have to be for another blog post.)

2. Trust the Universe

Why is it that so many people have faith in God, except when it comes to illness? Could it really be that ‘Bad Luck’ is controlling your destiny? I don’t believe in bad luck. I do believe that the body is always communicating and that if you are not well, then it is very likely that something in your life is not working. You may be doing something, thinking something, or eating something that is not working for you. Or perhaps your body is ready to heal something from the past. Or perhaps, you are here on planet earth with an entirely different purpose; maybe your illness brings people together in an amazing way (thinking of the unbelievable tragedy of children who are sick.) As difficult as it is to believe, I’m inviting you to consider the possibility that there is a purpose to the things that happen here on planet Earth, including (gasp!) the things that happen with the body.

3. Why Not Try Love?

True healing is not about fixing what is broken with us (we could never ever be done), but is about befriending what is true, right here, right now. Many of my clients believe that they have to be harsh with themselves in order to heal. For example, I have to hate my bad behaviors so that I can remember how much I don’t want them in my life, and they can go away. However, we can all easily concede that this kind of hate does not change anything and the bad behaviors do not ‘go away’. So why not try love? Try loving your big hips and see how they respond. Try loving the back pain, knowing that it has a cryptic message for you. Befriending what is true allows the space for what is true to shift. Loving what is true will absolutely change the truth. Sounds crazy, but try it! Experiment with completing the phrase: “I love my _______; therefore I _______” This is kind of like “fake it ‘till you make it”, but if you are willing to try this experiment for a month, I assure you, you will not be disappointed. Get creative here:  I love my body; therefore I give it healthy food. I love my big round hips; therefore, I massage them with coconut oil. I love my strong legs; therefore I treat them to a walk in the woods. I love my eyes, therefore I drink fresh carrot juice every day. Just try love. And see what happens.

Believing in the idea of being friends with your body does mean that your body is always communicating with you and if you are determined to listen, you will begin to find the answers. Believe that your body is on your side. It’s true.

I Don’t Even Like Kool-Aid…

Posted by on Oct 23, 2013 in Belonging, Power | 2 comments

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Okay, so not to offend anyone here, but after a thorough study of the topic, I have concluded that we have all been duped. From the moment we get here on this big blue spinning rock, we are steeped in a medicalized culture in such an insidious way that the vast majority of us do not ever question it. To question the assumptions we “all” take for granted is sacrilege. I know this in a very intimate way because people get hotly angry with me, think I am completely nuts, and assume I am outrageously irresponsible because I question all of it.

A Course In Miracles teaches that the body is a learning device for the mind. What would it be like to consider that the things that happen to the body are for us, not against us? There is a mass hypnotization in our culture that bad things happen randomly to the body. Under this umbrella, I boldly include genetic predisposition, “random” accidents, environmental exposures, all of it… I am convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt, that every, every everything that happens to the body is FOR you. In my work with clients, and also in my own journey toward health, I have consistently witnessed that when there is an injury to a specific part of the body, there was already something ‘brewing’ there before the injury. Sounds far out, I know. But if you consistently look for the connection, you will find it.

Our emotional wounds take hold in very specific ways in the body. The pain of everyone in your early years making fun of you (and having no idea whatsoever what to do with you) for being so sensitive may have knocked your present immune system completely offline. The absolute need to protect your heart so fiercely may have manifested in chronic shoulder pain, as the shoulder has been desperately attempting protection of the heart all these years. The prolonged uneasiness of not belonging in any meaningful way may now wreak havoc with your hormones. The deep despair of being neglected as a baby may have settled in your hip because you energetically left your body and ‘ripped’ yourself out at that location. Again, this all sounds far out, I know. But the things that happen to us in our lives are in the body. And they are there for us. To learn something.

But the mass hypnotic state prevents our openness to this possibility.

Think about it. The language we use demonstrates that the medical world is to us like water is to the fish. We are swimming in it and we do not ever ever question it, do not even know how immersed we are in it. Overhearing a mom talk about a child with a cold at a cafe last week:  “I’ve decided it’s time to take her in.” Take her ‘in’? In where? Of course, I know what she meant. Take her in to the doctor. Take her in to the expert. Take her in to find out (from the outside) what is wrong. Take her in for testing. Take her in for medicine. Take her in to feel safer knowing something is being done.

Of course, I am not suggesting that we do not ‘go in’ when necessary. What I am suggesting however, that we spend more time going IN. Going inside. Going in to ask for inner guidance on what our illness is for. Going in to listen to the aches and pains. Going in to befriend the discomfort; you may learn something that surprises you. Going in to meditate for insight about the past from what is going on in the present with the body. Going in to consider that the things you are doing/eating/thinking/holding on to are affecting your health.

Going in, just beginning to consider that you yourself are the highest expert on your body. The hypnotized fixation on giving our power away when it comes to our bodies, our health is pervasive; we all drank that Kool-Aid. But I really do want you to consider, even if just for a moment, the possibility that you are indeed the highest expert on your body. That your body is FOR you, not against you.

Believe… and begin the bodymind adventure. Then hold on tight, it’ll be quite a ride. Your body has been waiting all this time for you to listen.

A Piece on Forgiveness

Posted by on Jul 12, 2013 in Forgiveness | 0 comments

Please watch this little five minute clip on forgiveness:

a poem written over 48 years.

 

Life’s Whispers

Posted by on Apr 16, 2012 in Listening, Love | 4 comments

“There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”    – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

A few days ago, I was strangely a key player in a car accident, yet completely uninvolved. A rare sunny spring day in Portland, I was walking home from the market, my neighborhood co-op, and was ready to cross a fairly busy street by my house. There was a crosswalk and although cars are supposed to stop for pedestrians, many do not. A large pickup truck had kindly stopped for me to cross; inside were two Portland city workers with friendly faces. I waited for several moments to see what the cars behind them were going to do. Sometimes, cars will speed up to pass the stopped car, so I wanted to ensure that both lanes of traffic traveling in that direction were stopped before starting to cross. As I watched one car behind the truck continuing down the street, it occurred to me in a moment that the car was neither going to stop nor pull around and pass the truck. I watched in disbelief as it slammed into the truck at full speed. The driver of the car, a man who appeared to be in his sixties, said that he looked down for just a second at the wrong moment. As an observer, I would clearly state that his eyes, or his attention, or both were off the road for considerably more than a second or two, as he had been quite a bit behind the truck.

Curiously, the guys in the truck quickly jumped out and asked if I was okay.  I was still on the sidewalk, so obviously, I was completely fine. The Portland city workers were okay too. And the man in the car was, surprisingly to me, okay too, but his car looked just about totaled. While we waited for the police to arrive, I considered how strange it was to be involved in this way. If I had not been crossing the street at that moment, the accident would not have happened. And yet, it did.

With much gratitude for having evolved into this philosophy, I very strongly believe that every, every, everything happens on purpose with an offering for us to learn more about love. Including things like the minor to major inconvenience for those involved in this accident. I trust that this event happened for some very good reason in the big fabric of life. Maybe there was a reason the man needed to be without his car for a while. Maybe his wife will need to drive him around and their relationship will get closer. Maybe he is an alcoholic and this was an opportunity to think about changing his behavior before something more serious happens. A close call, a wake up call. Maybe he has dementia and this was an opportunity for his family to make the difficult decision that it is not safe for him to be driving. I will never know what this accident means in his life.

One thing that I do know for me is that life is not a series of random events.

In my experience, the Universe (or God, or fate, or life, or whatever you are comfortable with calling the larger fabric of which we are all critical threads) talks to us through our life experience. Life whispers to us at first. Tiny whispers to make changes in our lives. Psst. Stop drinking coffee. Move away from that relationship. Go to that meeting. It is so very challenging to hear the whispers. Whispers among the shouting cacophony of everyday life. Really, only the masters hear the whispers. The whispers may tell us to do something that goes against conventional wisdom. Quit that job. 

If we cannot hear or respond to these whispers, the message gets a bit louder. Maybe we have a minor car accident on the way to work. Maybe we develop acid reflux from the coffee. We may in fact hear the message this time around, but may not clearly understand that it is an offering for us, an opportunity for us to see and to change our behavior. The love offering, so generously orchestrated for us, may unfortunately may be another opportunity missed. It’s pretty radical, after all, to see something like a car accident as an offering of love. More clearly stated, an offering to change something in our lives so that we may experience more love.

The followup offering, if we have not been wise enough to listen to the previous, relatively gentle, opportunities, gets a bit louder. Maybe we see and ask, “Why is this happening again?” And if our hearts and minds are closed and we still do not get the message to change our behavior, we may receive yet another followup offering as a loud (or even as a screaming loud) message. I think major illness is a screaming loud message. Something you are doing is not working for your body. Some way of thinking, or eating, or being is not working for you.There likely have been small clues along the way. But now life is screaming out loud at you to make changes.

Is life whispering to you to make changes? Oh dear, is life screaming at you? What’s it like to consider that your life is not a series of random events? Illness is not a random event. Accidents are not random events. Are you listening to life and to the events of your life? What may you need to change? Open to the possibility of learning to listen while the messages are gentle. Gentle brings more gentle; ask your brave heart to be open to and hear the gentle whispers.