“I’m Not Sensitive. I’m Numb.”

Posted by on Dec 10, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

“I’m Not Sensitive. I’m Numb.”

“I’m Not Sensitive. I’m Numb.”


Yep. Shutting down is what most sensitive people do. Because the world is painful. We see (or used to see) things that not everyone sees. We feel (or used to feel) things that not everyone feels. We know (or used to know) things that not everyone knows. We acknowledge things that most people want to avoid. Or ~ oh my dear, maybe we ourselves are not acknowledging those things any more. Because, what’s the point? We have been told over and over that our perceptions are not real. At some point, we had no other choice than to believe the outside voices. And shut down.

I know with every fiber of my being that you exhausted every single possibility to stay awake, to stay excited, to stay vibrantly alive. You may have been very very small when you gave up. Maybe you cannot even remember a time when you were connected to your own vibrancy. I assure you, there was a time when you were awake. But the world could not fully see you. Your family could not fully understand the depth of you. You exhausted every single possibility to stay awake. I know you did. With no other options to explore, we shut down.

Shutting down could look like complete numbness, and being acutely aware of our numbness. Or it could look like super busyness, with our lives filled with things that do not really touch our heart. Maybe we don’t want to get out of bed because life seems so meaningless. Or we jump out of bed because our to do list is a mile long.

Numb does not mean you can’t feel. Numb means you are feeling so much that your system can’t even handle it. Numb signals that your heart, your soul, your journey is calling to you.

It takes courage to imagine that you could have a connection with your heart. A connection with your soul. A connection with your journey. A connected journey? With you your feet excitedly making contact with the ground underneath as you take steps toward the things that make your heart sing out loud. Hard to imagine from where you stand now? Maybe it sounds corny? Maybe it sounds so unreachable that it invites more despair into your system?

When I first stepped foot into a Unity church many many years ago, I cried through the entire service. Sobbed. And sobbed. Why? Because I felt (maybe for the first time in my life) such an unbelievably expansive openness. Because I felt acceptance; I felt love. Because I didn’t think I could dare imagine a world in which the love could actually reach me. And in that moment, the numb facade started to crumble.

And I began the deep dive in. Oh, it’s not that I hadn’t been seeking or searching or being analyzed in therapy for many years prior to that. But in that Unity church on that day, a seed was planted.

That I was a healer. I didn’t know it and wouldn’t know it for many many years. But the depression that had plagued me for EVER would unfold into a gateway for me to become a healer. And sitting in a sea of acceptance that day, I got a little tiny glimpse (even though I didn’t consciously notice it) of what it might feel like to really be accepted. To really accept myself. Accept my different way of walking in the world. Accept my slooooowwwww pace. Accept that my relationship with time will always be a painful and confusing one for me. Accept that I had some amazing gifts to share in this world. Accept that I would indeed find my way in the world. Even though many of the outside voices told me I was crazy; that I would fail; that I should play it safe ~ the seed of self acceptance was planted that day. And I decided to not go back to sleep.

Rumi says ‘The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep! You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep!’

Do you want to keep playing it safe? (And how safe is miserable, anyway??) Or do you want to begin the journey of listening to the breeze at dawn? 2015 is your year; I can feel it. Please consider joining me for seven days (spread out over three weeks) of ‘listening to the breeze at dawn’. Three weeks of thawing the numbness… Empowered Sensitivity is coming! Are you worth the commitment to an hour a day of reflection, creativity, insight? You will receive a daily video prompt inviting you to begin listening to the power of your sensitivity with assignments that are bound to thaw the numbness. You are ready. Imagine you have enough courage and jump in! Do not go back to sleep. Register for Empowered Sensitivity here http://portlandsynergy.com/empowered-sensitivity/

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