Waking Up

Posted by on May 29, 2015 in Confusion, Forgiveness, Love, Power, Responsibility, Uncategorized | 0 comments

Waking Up

Waking Up

“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”
~ Fran Drescher

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I used to be absolutely and undeniably obsessed with trying to get people to wake up. “Be present with your heart!” I would whisper to them as they slept. “Know that you are loved. You are here to play. It’s okay be yourself. Trust the things that happen in your life. God is love. YOU are love. You are divinely guided. Trust your body. Trust your emotions. Trust yourself. Trust life.”

What felt true in my system back then was that I was awake. And that they were asleep. It would frustrate me beyond measure that they would not wake up. The last three men I dated before finally dating women were farther and farther away from who I actually wanted to be dating. Around the time I started dating number three of the trio (a serious alcoholic), I became obsessed with an old Cure song. “High As A Kite” seemed to taunt me; it would call me to play it over and over and invite me to dance unabashedly. As the obsession continued, I slowly started to comprehend that the song had something important to tell me. So one day, determined, I played the song over and over in one sitting. But rather than dance, I meditated.

As the song repeated over and over in the background, I entered a trancelike state and was shown a ‘movie’ of sorts, with three vignettes. In this movie, I was a kite. Each vignette showed the dance between the kite and the recent men I had dated. The first man tried to keep the kite locked in his basement apartment. I could feel the pain in my body of how that matched my experience with him. The second man would ‘wake up’ for stretches of time and play with the kite to its delight. But invariably, he would return to his various collections and forget about the kite. Ouch. The third man really seemed to want to honor and play with the kite. But real life would show how much fun it was to play with a full blown alcoholic. Gross.

The kite so clearly wanted to fly high and play! However, I would act out the ‘wake up’ obsession several additional times with women. Then something unusual happened; almost imperceptibly, I began to shift. How was I keeping myself locked in the basement and how would I leave myself periodically? “Let me out!” “Stay with me!” was what I wanted them to do. But clearly I should have been speaking those words to myself.

What I began to realize is that all of the things that I wanted other people to do were what I myself needed to do. On a much deeper level than I was already doing. Sure, I already knew that I could be present with my heart. That is precisely why I knew that I wanted others to feel the deliciousness of it. But I did not comprehend then that my heart had the depth internally and the expanse externally to touch the infinite in both directions. Sure, I knew that I could trust life. But I did not know that life would become a magically inspired synchronicity of dancing moments.

If you are in a dance with someone that does not seem to share your desire to wake up, I challenge you to ask yourself, “Where in my own life do I need to wake up more deeply?” As you do, you will find the others that want to dance and play. And fly high!

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